So Maxis entertainment are releasing a new Sims game.  It looks good, it looks interesting, and looks like something similar to the same shit we played before.  That is okay though, because Maxis is doing something incredibly different that is getting all the buzz around here: taking out toddlers and pools.  It’s not taking out toddlers from pools, but it’s two separate things from the Sims series that have been considered staples to the franchise, and removing them.

Personally, I don’t care about toddlers.  I don’t even want kids all that much.  They scream for no reason, they cry, and then when they get older they start asking you for money and stuff.  How am I supposed to afford awesome technology when I’m older when I have to support someone who legally can’t work?  So yeah, I don’t care about the toddler aspect of it.  But pools! Pools! The best part of the Sims was leading them into the pool, only to have the latter taken out by some mysterious godlike entity.  You sit there laughing as the Sim starts to drown.  If you’re like me, you put the latter back in because you’re a gracious god.

None the less, Sims has been a game that simulates life (hence the name).  The characters have conversations with each other, get mad, or have pixelated sex with each other.  There are situations that these characters have to deal with, and you have to manage it, just like you do in real life.  Lucky for us, we don’t have to purchase expansions in order to make our lives feel a bit better.  Granted, a night at the bar could end up costing you the normal price for the Sims 3 Nightlife expansion pack, or even worse, your dignity from the non-pixelated sex with whoever you bring home that night.  But that is how life goes.  You could end up having a kid in real life, which is something (I guess) they were trying to allude to in the series with these toddlers.  I also have the decision to install a fucking pool in my back yard.

But hey, it’s okay…  because Maxis, a company known for lying through their god-damned teeth would say “We can’t throw pools (and toddlers) in the game.”  Well you fucking can.  Remember saying that you had no intentions in throwing an offline mode into SimCity?  Well, I’m glad that you (by the use of electronic black magic) found a way to offer offline functions for the damn game.  Ironically, people wanted it to dodge your inept concept of socialization.  I don’t play SimCity so other people can fuck with my city.  I don’t want other people sending aide to me.  It’s discouraging!  “Oh, Steve, looks like you have too many fires, let me just send my helicopter to put them out for you.”  Shove that Helicopter up your ass, I don’t need this shit!

So what this tells me is that since Maxis employs habitual liars into their company, and EA games has a history of charging money for literally every aspect of a game as well as releasing unfinished games into the wild.  So we can definitely expect toddlers and pools will most likely come as two different expansion packs.   Possibly four if you want toys for your toddler to play with, or water for the pool itself.

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